Desire and Despair

It’s said that “when you really want something to happen, the whole universe conspires so that your wish comes true.”

Sometimes things are like, the more you desire, the farther it will go. With your each step forward, you’ll feel like its taking two steps away from you. As it moves away, the harder you work.

Even with the mocking multitude, you still work. Even harder. Even more Harder. Harder than ever.

At one point, you’ll feel it’s lost forever. When your desire turns despair. When we leave it to fate saying it’s not my destiny.

And one day when you have lost all hope and have started feeling contented with what you have, you will receive it as a surprise Gift for all that you had done.

Life plays all such games. Our Life itself is a Game, which has to end today or tommorow. Our duty is to play it best, as we may not get a chance again and leave the rest to God.

As Time Flies...

As Time flies
As Relations fade
As new People come
As old People go
As Relations break.
As Wounds heal
As Love goes for a vacation
As Hate shows up from nowhere
As Friends come
As Foes come
As Darkness spreads
As Light glows
As we welcome Changes
As Time flies

You may meet many people sweeter than me
But never a "Me"

You'll always be special for me
Coz there is only one "You"

Books of 2007

Fantasy:
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows : J K Rowling
Rating: 8/10

Eragon: Christopher Palloni
Rating: 7/10

Non Fiction:
Indira Gandhi : Pupul Jayakar
Rating : 8/10

Fiction:
A Thousand Splendid Suns : Khaled Husseini
Rating: 6/10

God of small things: Arundhati Roy
Rating: 8/10

Life Of Pi: Yann Martel
Rating: 7/10

Doctors : Erich Segal
Rating: 7/10

Guide: R K Narayan
Rating: 6.5/10

The English Teacher: R K Narayan
Rating: 6.2/10

Shantaram : Gregory David Roberts
Rating: 9.5/10

Children’s Fiction:
The Curious INCIDENT of the DOG in the night-time : Mark Haddon
Rating: 6/10

Literature:
My Name is Red: Orhan Patun
Rating: 7/10

Philosophy:
Tuedays With Morrie : Mitch Albom
Rating: 7/10

The Zahir: Paulo Coelho
Rating: 7/10

FountainHead : Aynd Rand
Rating: 7/10

Children’s Classics:
Anne of Avonlea : L K Montgomery
Rating: 7.1/10

Humor:
Carry On Jeeves: PG Wodehouse
Rating: 7.5/10

Very Good Jeeves: PG Wodehouse
Rating: 8/10

Custard

“Wow man, it’s really good” said Thadu.
“Amazing, literally” shouted Nintu.
These are some comments about the custard I made yesterday. Very difficult to fathom, right?

Let’s wind back.

Two years back, I had tried making the same Brown and Poison Custard, using the same fruit and milk, in the same way how I made it yesterday. But things had gone very wrong that day. My roomy vomited; me and my other roomy went to a short term coma after having it.
My custard story had spread like wild fire the very next day. People who don’t even bother about my friend’s existence were enquiring about his health after my custard. Sometimes people are real bad. They are very happy to make things worse. That day, my roomies forced me to take an oath to quit cooking. I used to think I would never be able to cook properly.

But things that happened after coming to the Garden city were quite contrary. I am the best cook among my roomies here. I cook daal, chicken curry, chicken masala, green peas masala, tomato fry, egg masala, ghee rice, payasam and what not. The list is endless. And moreover everything tastes real good.

Sometimes Life is like that. At some point, we feel that we’ll never be able to do that. But later someday Life itself proves it all wrong.

The God of Small things

I stopped reading this book twice in the middle. At last I managed to finish it on my third attempt.

When I completed the book, I really liked it. In fact I loved it.The book is very well written with a different interesting style. The way the story is narrated and the relationship between the twins is portrayed is amazing. I agree that as always Arundhati criticizes anything and everything, but they are some facts that people don’t prefer to be discussed.

The story starts with the return of Rahel to Ayemenum to see her twin brother Estha. The story goes from past to present and then to future and then back to past. It keeps rotating, that makes her one of the finest story tellers in India.

She criticizes the communists in kerala via her character called K N M Pillai, who even though talks in favor of Pelayans(The Untouchables), actually hate them. Then she tells us about the caste system in Kerala, how the untouchables are treated by the Upper Castes.

She introduces our Kerala Police in a very funny way. “The inspector taps Ammu’s breasts with his Baton as though he was choosing mangoes from the Basket.”

Everything changed in Ayemenum after Ammu an Upper Caste Syrian Christian lady have sex with a lower caste Pelayan called Velutha(The God of small things, The God of loss, The God of Goose Bumps and Sudden smiles). When their bodies met, it was as if the whole universe was conspiring to destroy them.

Finally she even criticizes Draupadi, our own Panchali.
“Draupadi(strangely angry only with the men that won her,not the ones that staked her). Has sworn that she will never tie up her until it is washed in Dushasana’s blood”. True right?

So in short, a must read book. :)

Gem

They say am my company’s Gem. And they gave me an award too, the first of its kind. “The Star of the month”.

I am on Top of the world. It’s not just an award to me; it’s much more than that. It’s the recognition for my 1 year’s hard work. It’s a proof that I am not that bad or rather am good. It’s something I had decided when I left my old company.

On the last day in my Old Company, we had a team meeting. Just before the meeting ended, I gave a short speech. I don’t know if I had offended someone with this which I should not have done as I was leaving, but still I said it.

"After 2 and half years, I am leaving my company, my first company. The one that made me what I am. I am going to miss everything like hell.

But I feel I was never recognized here. In my 2 and half years in this project, I never got an award, never a good appreciation. It may sound funny, but am really very sad about that.

In my 30 member team 29 of them got at least one Award. All these days, I have seen people getting awards. I have always clapped and encouraged them. As I clapped, I used to think “Yeah someday my turn will come".

Few months back I worked assiduously for 90 days including weekends, holidays. True, I cribbed and cribbed, but I still worked to my best. Even after that project, you said I didn't do what was expected out of me. I still don't understand what more you expected from me. Why for everyone else you expect something and from me you expect something else. I did lot of extra things which my project mates never did. I strongly feel that I deserve an award more than anyone in this room.

Now I am leaving my company without an award and yes I am sad as I will never get one from here. This time I can't console myself saying "Yeah someday my turn will come". “

Anyway now am really very happy. “Alhamdulillah”.
Hope I’ll continue working like this. “Insha Allah”

God’s Own Country?

Yet another Hartal is here in our so called God’s Own Country.
Kerala is indeed a beautiful place to live, but sometimes it seriously sucks.

I would say the whole problem started when communists won the elections of 1957 and EMS became the first non congress Chief minister. They were a curse to the society then, are now and will be forever. Till the roots of communism are removed from Kerala, it will never see sunshine. Well I am not supporting Congress here. They are as corrupt as every Indian Politian, but they do make an attempt to make things better.

I’ll give you a scenario. Suppose a huge amount is allocated for Road development.
The supporters of Indira will use around 20% for the roads but the other one will eat up the whole amount making the people of Kerala, who boast of 100% literacy, real schmucks.

When I visited Kerala last, I was intimidated by the condition of the roads there. I would say literally there were no Roads. From the Road contractors, I came to know the Yearly maintenance was not done. The fund allocated went directly to the Red Party people. Last day, when I was going to my native place, for around 20 kms the road was good. When I asked my uncle how come this happened, he told me the story. It was a contract taken by a Malaysian company. They completed half the road, but the Government didn’t pay even a single penny which ended up in the suicide of the contractor. Such is our government.

One day when we were all lying down on the Terrace counting the stars, my friend said “It’s good right we have an Anti development Party in our state. They will make sure that our state won’t lose its natural Beauty by bringing up Sky scrapers and Pollution like here.” We all laughed hysterically.

One Little Smile

“Thala nombu”, that’s what we call for the first day of Fasting. It’s very important for us as it marks the starting of Ramadhan. I got up early in the morning, directly went to the kitchen and had some bread n Jam. I drank two glasses of water, but as usual was not satisfied. Whenever I get up in the morning during fasting days, no matter how much water I drink, I’ll never be contented. It’s because my subconscious mind keeps reminding me that I won’t be able to drink water for the whole day. It’s more psychological thirst rather than physical. It will be at its peak on the first day. Somehow I managed to sleep with a bottle of water near my bed.

The moment I got up, I was very thirsty as I expected. My head had already started spinning. You see, everything is more psychological here. Many a times I go to office without breakfast. Also I had got up late. “Oops ill be very late today” saying that I rushed to my bathroom. I came out in the same speed and Zoommmmmm I went in my Unicorn.

Somehow I managed to reach office on time. Luckily, there was little work to be done by EOD. My PL came and started demonstrating some Quality crap. He asked me to click one button, I clicked the other. He asked me to scroll down, I scrolled up. “Ho my, what was happening to me?” I mused. Irritated, he went away.
It was a Friday. Unfortunately I remembered that only at 3 pm. I don’t remember when I skipped my Friday prayer last. “Ho Allah, forgive me. I have missed the prayer, that too on this day” I prayed. I was not able to control myself for sometime.

I thought I’ll go to mosque at that time itself but as usual there came a meeting at the wrong time. After the meeting, the guy who was supposed to give the code was missing. He is one of my close friends in office. I almost blasted when he came back but somehow I controlled. We should try your max to control such emotions on fasting days.

Phew, I delivered the code and ran to my bike. Aha, it was raining. “It never rains, but it pours” I shouted. Luckily, I had a jacket with me. I put that on and started. But the jacket couldn’t prevent me from getting drenched. By the time I reached home my shoes had become like a Rain harvesting container.

Ha,I reached home, changed my dress, took my friend’s umbrella and rushed to Mosque.

Things were even worse there. Too much was the rush that I was not even able to get my Favorite Noyambu Kanji (a special dish made in Mosques during Ramadhan). Never mind, I had one dried date and went for prayer.

As I came out of the Mosque after the prayer, my mind was still haunted by the day’s happenings. As I started walking, out of nowhere came a kid. He was about 3 years old. He came and asked me to give something. I was already irritated. So obviously you can guess how I would have reacted. I ignored him and started walking.

After a minute suddenly I felt like turning back. I turned and looked at him for sometime. He was going behind people to give him something to eat at least. All were ignoring him. “May be everyone had a day like me” I mused. At the end, a lady came and pushed him back. He was on the verge of crying. He went and sat in the corner with his hands on his face.

Without losing a moment, I rushed to the near by shop, got some eatables and went to him. When I gave that, he gave a very cute smile. I don’t know how I should describe it. No matter what words I use here, that won’t be enough. I smiled back and started walking. All the days happening had vanished from my mind. I was really very happy.

As I was walking, I called Mom and literally shouted:
“Mom, I am soooo happy, do you know what happened today………
……………………….“.

Ramzan

Ramzan, the holy month when Allah revealed the Glorious Quran, is here again. The month of fasting, prayers and charity.

In the last few days I had been busy preparing to make myself ready for our holy month.

This month is a blessing for us, when we actually feel that there is some meaning in our life. We feel a sort of special happiness and peace. We feel we are nearer to God.

We sacrifice the entertainments, we control our emotions, we put a lot of effort to refrain from greed, lust, gossip etc. In this month, even an alcoholic (one of the biggest sins in Islam) becomes a teetotaler, a chain smoker becomes a non-smoker, the people who are too busy that they don’t even get time to pray, slow down to pray and ask for forgiveness.

It is a month of Charity. When we fast, we understand what Hunger means and thirst means. It reminds us how lucky we are and that there are millions of unlucky people around the world who can’t even afford a single meal in a day. Charity comes naturally in this month.

The month of Ramzan ends with Eid ul fitr when we have a special celebration after the 30 days of fasting. The day starts with a special prayer usually conducted in open Ground. Then we will prepare Biriyani (in which Muslims are the best) for lunch. All the relatives and friends meet in the evening to share the happiness and love.

PALA

“Hey you Dunderhead, Don’t you know PALA is a city and Bharananganam a big Town”
I still remember Georgy who literally shouted when we listed PALA among the Tribal Villages. Right from our training days, PALA was always a hot topic.

We used to call Bharananganam as Birmingham. The PALA we discussed was actually a tribal village and Georgy was the leader(Moopan in Malayalam).
We made up lot of things like we have to swim across a river to reach Birmingham, how we can go for hunting and how the tribal girls come running to help Georgy. We always used to make plans to go there. Georgy was very proud to be the first ICICI account holder from PALA.

Few days back, I got lucky. I got a chance to visit PALA. Actually I was quite shocked when I saw few building there. By Jove, I saw an ATM too. Though we didn’t have to cross a River to reach PALA, the road was full of turns and curves and the Bus was always consistent about it’s speed. I was literally flying when the bus was taking Turns. It was a feeling of getting into a Dry Ride in an Amusement Park continuously for 2 hours.

One interesting but irritating thing about PALA is any building or Place you name; there will be two such places. First we asked for Bus stand, there were two Bus stands. Then the Landmark Muncipal Building, there were two. We wouldn’t have surprised if we had met two Georgys. Finally we reached his house and had a sumptuous lunch. And then we had our usual Chit chats and jokes before we parted.

That’s PALA for you, the happening place of India.

Love

Every single breath refuses to leave till it echoes her name.
Every single thought declines to end till it sees her smile.
Every single second denies to pass till it gets a glance of her beautiful eyes.

When I read a book, she makes the protagonist secondary.
My thoughts wander in search of her, leaving the book, crossing the high mountains, vast deserts and deep blue oceans.

May be this is what people call Love.
An ambiguous term given to an indescribable feeling.

3 Years or is it just 3 days?

August 9th 2003: Cochin
Sibi is enjoying his college Life. He has a Job in Hand. He is happily roaming around as if he has won the Game of Life.

August 9th 2004: Bangalore
Sibi Joins his first company. He's a bit excited, a bit thrilled and a bit scared too.

August 9th 2005: Chennai
Confused Sibi. He is not even sure if he is happy or sad. He is not sure if this is what he want from Life.

August 9th 2006: Chennai
Still more Confused. Better with lot of friends. His Life is circulating entirely around his friends.

August 9th 2007: Bangalore

Less confused. But still a bit confused coz of not knowing why so. New Company, New people, New Outlook, More practical and Matured Sibi. Now his Life circulates mainly around his family, a bit with friends and a bit with his career too. Looks like Sibi is finally successful in bringing stability in Life.

That’s how Mr Sibi has changed over time. You can see in the same blog what he wrote on August 9th 2005. At some point, we think that this is Life but only to later realize that it was nothing. Life is a game that we learn to play as with Time. Some rules we learn by violating it some we never learn. Some short cuts we take may end up in losing the game. Finally at the End of the Game, God alone decides if we have won or not.

Friendship Day

Yet another friendship day is here. I never realize the fast running time till I am reminded with special days like today.

Today the Gift shops will be flooded with the Friendship bands.
The Flower shops will look as if flowers were only yellow.
Today People all over the world celebrate their Wonderful Friendships.

In my college days, I too used to be very busy tying friendship bands, giving gifts etc.
When I look back, am feeling as if I was so childish. The hours I had spent in Archies looking for the right Cards, the right Gift. Then running to the Florist for yellow flowers.
For very special ones I used to mix Red and Yellow flowers Just to show that I cared more for them. Those were the days when only things we had to care were these (Well books was secondary which we used to open only a month before exams).

Today things have changed. We can’t just play around like how we used to.
Life’s a bit serious now and we are always running behind the schedule.
If we slow down a bit, someone else is there always to take our place.

But still, today I found some time to recollect the dear friends that came to my life.
Some stayed and are still my dear ones.
Some stayed but are not as dear as they used to.
Some just left leaving some good and bad memories.

Even though People say “No Thanks/Sorry” between Friends, I just want to thank the ones who have stayed with me, the ones who still care for me.
Also thanks to the ones who have drifted away from me with time. Just want to tell them that they are still close to my heart.
And last thanks to the ones in the last lot for the good memories they left for me.

Pain

We don’t realize we are losing a friend when it slowly fades away with time.
But a Break up puts an abrupt end to that relation and leaves such a dreadful pain that haunts you for rest of your lives.

When we see or hear something that reminds you of that person, the same old pain returns. We may forget the good times we had together, but that pain always remains deep hidden in our heart.

I am not being cynical, but that is human nature.

Sometimes I deliberately let away a relationship to fade away with time so that I need not see another break up. In doing so, when we think of them at least the good memories will return instead of an intimidating pain.

Irony

IF it's true Love or true Friendship, it will never fade.

The Distance, Time can never affect that relationship.
It will always remain fresh even though sometimes they don't express it.

But the Irony is Love and Friendship is something that should be expressed. It's easy to lose true friends, but very very difficult to gain one.

Sometimes you may not realize that you have lost a true friend till you lose him/her.

So always be in touch.

Potter

Harry Potter...

Irrespective of the TV channel you are watching or the Newspaper you are reading, it’s Potter Potter everywhere. Pottermania... that what's its called.
People who don’t know Potter must be wondering “It’s just a Children’s Tale, Why so much Hype?”

I don’t know how to answer that question, but if you know Potter I bet you will join the
excited crowd to know what will happen to our dear Harry. I can’t find words to praise JK Rowling for creating such a perfect Magical world which will help Muggles like us to leave this restless world for sometime.

Last day I was just trying to recollect the Life of Harry, how he has grown, the difficulties he had faced when he had confronted with the Dark Lord, how down I was when Harry lost his loved ones.

I was trying to recollect what inspired me most in the series.
Then I heard these words of Dumbledore to Harry.

“Your mother died to save you. If there is one thing Voldemort can't understand, its love.”
This shows the power of Love. How the love of his mother had stopped even the Greatest Dark Wizard.

"It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities."

“You fail to recognize that it matters not what someone is born, but what they grow up to be!”
It was Harry’s choice to take the right path. He had many things common with the Dark Lord(You know Who). But what Harry and Voldemort became was a result of their choices not their abilities.

In Life, far more than our abilities, it is our choices that make what we are.

“Why do people fag?” I asked my friend who was enjoying his Post lunch smoke.
He smiled and said
“It’s hereditary, you know?
I recently read an article that it’s medically proven.
When people try for the first time,
Some stop it then and there.
Some continue for sometime.
Some becomes chain smokers.
See, it’s all hereditary.”

Here also it’s the choice that we make to fag or not. If we make a choice to
Smoke one cigarette, hereditary factor may come into picture. But still the first smoke was always our choice.

Some may be very talented in arts, but there also it’s their choice to go forward with their Talent or not.
I was excellent in Biology, But my choice made me what i am now.
Kuttapan had scored half century against Sreeshanth. But it was their choices that made one an Engineer and other a famous cricketer.

Remember,
“It is our choice that matters, not our Talent or Predisposition”.

Break the Rules

I happened to read one of the forwards that tell how a Paradigm is created.
"I don't know – that's how things are done around here".
That's always our reply to the question:
"Why are you doing this, why can’t it be done this way?" Or “Why do you think so?"

Everything we do, is something that's already done by someone and we are merely following. Even when there is slight shift in the paradigm, people reacts, there will be violent protests, and the whole Universe will try to destroy you.

Take any example in our day today life.
Government revised the syllabus to impart Sex Education. There were violent protests everywhere. When we ask the protesters why are they doing this? They say, Sex is bad and should not be taught to students and they utter the samewords, "That's how things are".

We are asked to code in a way with some coding standards. There may be better way to writing the code that increases readability. But we do as it was done by someone earlier. May be someday, some fool must have coded like that by accident and we are merely following.

Great people have definitely broken these rules sometime in their lives.

This is exactly what Ayn Rand is trying to say in her book "Fountain Head" via the character "Howard Roark".

Why do we follow these rules? Whom are we scared of?

Don’t you think it’s a topic to contemplate?

Live Life,
Become what you always wanted to.

Make your life meaningful.

Never hesitate to do what you feel is right.
Break the rules if you feel it's wrong coz these rules themselves are made by humans.
Follow your heart with your brain's support.

Remember, we have only one Life.

Intimacy, Love, Care, trust comes naturally.

Even if there is a bit of artifciality, things don't last.

As long as you have a friend with you

whom you can trust,

whom you can share your thoughts,

whom you are sure will be never let you fall,

whom you are sure will never let you down

You will never feel lonely.

The loneliness and darkness always spreads in their absence.

My Moto RAZR

My Moto Razr…. How I used to crib about its features. I used to complain about its battery, software and what not.

I still remember when me, Kuttapan and Georgy went to Saravana stores. We had a Nokia phone in our mind till we saw the Sexy Razr. Most of my friends are familiar with my Razr and its problems.

But now that I have lost it, I feel that I had failed to see its good features or rather it had lot of memories with it that I have lost.

We all are like that. We are literally blind about the better half while we continue to crib about the other till we lose it. Strange is this human nature.